On Meth

“You just keep going and going and going and ….”

Motherhood is like Meth-hood. I think. I’ve never done it. But from what I understand about Meth abuse, is that you get a rush and a high that lasts quite a bit, and of course, the inevitable crash. And that is what motherhood is like. Not that you get a “high” as in elation but a “high” as in mania, and you also have the rush.

I correct myself. You don’t get it. You have to be on it. No, correcting myself again. You not only have to be on it, you are trapped into it. You are dropped into this place of mania and that inevitably leads to a crash in energy.

I’ve been up since 6am today. I had a little clinical work to attend to at that time, and then mommy work after that, from 7am to now, 8:54pm. That is like 14 hours of working, straight non-stop. Is that legal?

The longest break I got was probably 5 mins, few and rare in between.

I crashed from the manic mode of Mommy-hood at 5pm when the nanny came in. Yes, I have a nanny. Lucky me, yes? Except, the kids still ask for Mommy, naturally. Not a moment of rest.

Mommy, I’m bored. Mommy, I miss my stuffie. My son lost his favorite stuffie at a huge museum today and despite searching fervently for 30mins, the stuffie could not be found. It meant that since 12pm to bedtime 9pm he had been wailing on and off intermittently. If you have never been around someone in deep mourning, you should come see my son right this moment.

Then, the usual, Mommy, I’m hungry. Mommy, let’s play. Mommy, I’m bored. Mommy, I miss my stuffie. Mommy, how do you do this? Mommy, can you find this? Mommy, let’s wrestle. Mommy, pillow fight. Mommy, I want to cuddle.

Pause. Madam, I’ll do this to the light fixtures (we had the electrician come over to fix some lights). Madam, we need these supplies. Madam, let me show you how the light cover is cracked. Madam, can I have the check?

Madam, were you sleeping when we called you over?

No, well, I was trying…I wish…anyway, what is it?

I tried to call the Home Depot in the afternoon, finally get around to running my errand to manage our rental property that needed a new kitchen counter. They put me on hold several times with a horribly recorded announcement that had static noise, and transferred me back and forth 4 times, then finally dropped the call on me. Apparently, the staff there have no voicemail account. Not just any staff but the Designers at their departments.

I’ve been dealing with this counter Sh*T for a month now. Did I call them back after my call was dropped? No. I’m tired. I’ve got a crying 6 year old who lost his better half, and my daughter who is obsessed with Minecraft Role Play. I was stood up the first time I tried to meet with the staff there at Home Depot. Mind you, I made an appointment. I didn’t just drop in. The lady that was supposed to serve me was nowhere to be found. Apparently she went on her lunch break – during the time she was supposed to meet me. The phone number of the vendor they contracted to fix the countertop was invalid so I couldn’t reach the contractor directly either.

So, NO, dealing with Home Depot isn’t quite my cup of tea after that dejected phone call. Sorry tenants. I’m a Mom working 14 hours with only barely 5 minute intermittent breaks, if I’m lucky.

And somewhere prior to all those errands, and in between kids’ Mommy requests, there were the failed Mommy decrees on the kids to eat somewhat nutritionous dinner (which they ignored and had the nanny cook boxed mac and cheese instead), to get off their iPads after the Circle app shut off their internet upon the time limit expiration (but unfortunately Circle cannot shut off their non-internet based games), to give Mommy some rest period (which they completely ignored as if I just spoke some foreign language).

From 6am to 9:15pm, when the younger one fell asleep, and the older one went to bed 15 mins later after we had some chat about her new baby girl cousin, it had been virutally non stop. How can I do this without some kind of stimulant drug? Should I be on Meth? Or Ecstasy? Or Ritalin or Cocaine?

I repeat. I do not do drugs. How did I manage it then? At one point, I went to water my front garden that was water-starved for 4 days (guess why?), to escape my son’s 10th time crying about his lost stuffie, which he was still doing at the window as he watched me water the plants, and then eventually by the front stairs to the entry door. That was 30 mins of crying as I watered the plants. Thank goodness for earphones and Korean pop music.

Thank goodness for blogging. Thank goodness for texting (and for my husband who responded to my cryptic text). Thank goodness for words.

Word Up. Word Out. Lay low, My Methas. Mothas, I mean.

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